Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
