One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
