yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
