I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
