Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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