we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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