I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
