Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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