can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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