Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
