u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
