she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
