Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize