You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
