Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
