she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
