JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
