they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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