my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
