I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
