How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
