I could make wine with my vomit
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
