I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
