she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You've changed since you got that strap on
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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