I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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