Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
