Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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