I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
