You're a womanizer and a bitch.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
