I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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