Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
