Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
