I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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