why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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