Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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