can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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