how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
