Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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