I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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