my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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