we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
