So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
