Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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