I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My dick has a subreddit
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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