Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
