Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
