Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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