If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
