Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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