tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
