I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize