Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
