I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
