she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she looked like the before picture.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
