who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
