That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
