I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I had to cum in my sink.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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