Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
