I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
false alarm, still single
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize