If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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