yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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