I'm so fucking centered right now
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
