rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
should my penis look like a turkey
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
