she was so not down for the gang bang
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
