why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
