She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
