guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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