Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
