you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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