I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
